St.Thomas shares his thoughts on the eve of his feast day. (July 3rd)
See: John’s Gospel Ch20. v. 24-29

I was not there when the Lord in Risen Glory broke the locked door
of the upper Room.
Brilliantly alive and carrying joy.
Resurrection Joy!

Full of a renewed sense of their call by God
my friends loved telling me what I had missed.
Had they made it up as a way of dealing with their grief?
Mourning takes interesting forms sometimes.
They were quite smug though so was it a but of one-upmanship?

Yet I wanted to believe them!
It was too good to be true, so I was filled with uncertainty.
That is when I doubted what they told me
and that moment was to define me
not just then but for all time.
I gave my name to all doubters.
Even those who did not share faith.

I don’t know what made me do it.
I really wanted to believe what my friends told me.
“Unless I see the marks of the nails in his hands…
I will not believe!”
My longing was so deep.
But with those words, I had missed the chance.
My heart was heavy, my soul seemingly cast adrift.

Eight days later we gathered again,
to pray; to break bread;
to find in each other’s company, a kind of solace.

Then, like a whirlwind of sheer light, HE came again.
He looked at me, not with sadness, or anger or in a dismissive way.
“Thomas”, he said, “my dear delightful Thomas. Always loyal,
always a bit too eager, always sure. Come here.”
He beckoned me to his side.

Gently, lovingly, he invited me to inspect his wounds.
“Don’t doubt Thomas. Believe!”

My inner spirit burst with joy, my soul reached out to heaven.
From the seed-bed of my praying I placed words around a thought
I had long been praying silently in my heart.
A praying which became so strong because I had wrestled with doubt.

It was a prayer that flowed from the deepest faith possible.
“MY LORD AND MY GOD!”

There! I had prayed it! Aloud!

People may still use my doubting to justify their unbelief but
I had reached beyond that into the very depth of my soul
and I said that word which is all Jesus needs
to lift us up into the beauteous light of eternal life.
Here, Now and Always!
Yes, Lord!

Jesus, our Risen Master, our Lord, Our God held me in his
radiant smile and looked around at all of us gathered there.
“I am indeed your Lord. I am indeed your God,
but never forget to tell people what I tell you now,
I love you.
I am your most loving friend!

{Mr G}

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